Saturday, November 13, 2010

Get Some Harmony

 A couple nights in a row my mom was teasing me about boys and told me I should join eHarmony. She mentioned the site was having a 10 day free trial. She was joking or at least that is what she claims.

But this got me to thinking, What if I actually did join eHarmony? What if I did like hundreds of other Americans and just signed up?

I could totally do this. I could make up a profile that listed weird hobbies and described my life in a vague but positive light. I can sound completely rational and normal to a stranger.

Back off haters, I can be date material.

I started to think about what I would put in my profile. I’m obviously not perfect. But really, any of my flaws could be perceived, if stated in a different light, as something cute and charming. While I hate lies, I see nothing wrong with sugar coating the truth.

Flaws = Flaws eHarmonized
• Messy eater, should really never eat in public = Enjoys quiet meals at home
• Aspiring collector of velvet, unicorn paintings = Keen eye and passion for art
• Stress is my only form of exercise = Refuses to use a Shake Weight
• Irrational fears = Dreamer that lives in a world of possibilities
• Socially Awkward = Musician
• Strange sense of humor that tends to be off-putting = Dog Person
• Unusual and creepy memory for other people’s life events = Likes board games

See? I can sound like a completely normal person. It’s all about the presentation.

But back to the plan. eHarmony? There’s where the magic happens. I mean, if you’re going to do something weird and get some good stories out of it, why not join an internet dating website?

The only problem is, my pesky, pesky conscience. It takes all the fun out of my life (but luckily keeps me from being a sociopath).

Always let your conscience be your guide...
Unlike Ted Bundy
People actually join eHarmony to find their soul mate, right? Some of these people are lonely and just want to find someone to spend their days with. There’s nothing wrong with that. Can I really just go on there to meet a bunch of weird guys so I can have some silly stories to tell?

There are 20 million registered users on eHarmony. Granted, at least 10 million of them are probably perverts. Four million are either of gold-diggers, con artists, or people with strange robot fetishes and sadly least one million are senior citizens, mistakenly signed up because they thought it was the AARP website.

So I’m betting at least five million of these people are really trying to find their special someone. The Sonny to their Cher. The Cheech to their Chong. The Ernie to their Bert. Um... none of those really made any sense as successful couples. oh wait! how about:
I can’t just go online willy nilly, signing up for an online dating site that I have no intention of being realistic about. I can’t just make a mockery of the 5 million people and their dream to find their true partner. No matter how silly I think it may be, eHarmony has helped some people find the love of their lives.

I mean, we did have a theory teacher that found his perfect match on some Catholic Singles website (He really shouldn’t have shared that in the school newspaper... ).

So, for any of you out there, joining or thinking about joining eHarmony, I sincerely wish you luck. And just a few words of advice, if a guy tells you his favorite movie is Weird Science, move along.

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